sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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