A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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