i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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