That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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