As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
