apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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