Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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