And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
