You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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