I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
