awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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