i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Did I show you my penis last night?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
