I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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