i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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