I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
