is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
