You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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