haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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