I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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