1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
