turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
