I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
