I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
