there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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