It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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