Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
