I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
