omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
