Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
