dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize