Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
