"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
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Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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