The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
