why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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