This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
