i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
