at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
