that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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