The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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