If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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