see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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