Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
