they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
