Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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