I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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