I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
