is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
