I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
