Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
