I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
