DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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