I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
