You're completely useless in the revolution.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
