I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
false alarm. still invincible.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize