Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
