first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
