NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
