you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
