Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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