my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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