we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
