Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
