I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
