come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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