i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
