i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
