direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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