I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
