you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
