shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Every concussion has its silver lining
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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