I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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