So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
