and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
