I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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