he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
