I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
